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INSIDE PERSPECTIVES of AS & Neurodiversity |
SELF-INJURING
Many autistic and other sensitive personality types prefer harming themselves, or an inanimate object, rather than taking their frustration out on others. Here are some reported reasons for self-injuring:
· Severe stress. Either because the situation is one which would be stressful to anyone, or due to being so physically and/or emotionally sensitive that intense stress is caused by anything disharmonious, confusing or overwhelming.
“In certain overwhelming circumstances throughout my life I have responded with a fist into a wall, or a head bang, or the like.. I have sensory triggers as well as the aforementioned communication frustrations which lead to self punishment. I am also sensitive to criticism... Feeling bad makes me feel bad - ‘StrangeGirl’, adult Aspie from UK
· Frustration.
“I will admit, there have been times when I have been so frustrated that I have boxed my head in anger and groaned, and, surprisingly enough, it DID feel better!” - Tom, adult Aspie from USA
“I do still sometimes hit my head... when I feel I'm just not getting through to someone and it literally feels like I AM *banging my head on a brick wall*” - ‘Stawberry’, adult non-Aspie
· Depression, inner pain and inability to understand or express feelings verbally.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with AS per se. It’s connected to depression. It hurts somewhere inside that’s intangible and impossible to describe in words. Deep pain inside. To cut oneself then makes the pain visible, it becomes understandable why it hurts then. You can see it and touch it. It is moving the pain inside that is hard to understand, to a place where it is understandable.” - An AS girl from Sweden
· Abuse. Being a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
“Why did I do it? I think it was because I was sexually abused by my father all my childhood and I hated myself, hated my life, hated being in my body and didn't feel I belonged or fitted in anywhere.” - ‘Strawberry’, non-Aspie
· Control.
- Tobias, adult Aspie from Sweden
“I used to cut my wrists. It gave me a sense of control. Whenever I feel out of control, the one thing I feel that I CAN control is whether I live or die. I can kill myself, or starve myself, or slice my wrists. The more I slice, the better I feel.” - Tom, adult Aspie from USA
· Release.
“I remember self harming in my teens, To be honest doing it was kinda release, if that makes sense? I had a lot of hurt inside (which I did not and still do not understand) and the hurt physically to myself helped in some strange way. It was kinda a phase I went through, even though I'd never heard of self harming. Fortunately I stopped and it was never very serious, just a few little cuts. I do find myself more likely to self harm when I am frustrated. ” - Julie, adult Aspie from England)
· Protest, punishment or cry for attention.
“I wanted to punish OTHERS and I did so by hurting myself and then describing it in detail to carefully chosen friends or other people one wished to punish, because one knew they would be worried.” - Maria, adult Aspie from Sweden
· Self-punishment.
“It can also be about self-punishment. A sense that something went wrong, that there were misunderstandings. Everything was one’s own fault. Anxiety comes. Bad person has to be punished.” - An AS girl from Sweden
· For fun or attempt at sensory integration. Some on the spectrum are hypo-sensitive to physical pain and may experiment in order to try and produce a sensation.
“When I was younger it was worse I used to pull out my hair, cut myself and crash into everything so that I could feel my body.” - Layla, adult with SID
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