INSIDE PERSPECTIVES of AS & Neurodiversity

 

RELATIONSHIPS

 

FRIENDHIPS

 

   Those who are markedly different from the majority, often find themselves isolated and unable to make or keep close friendships. In such a situation it is easy to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with oneself, though it may really just be due to being in minority and not having enough other people of like mind to choose among for friends. Not that one’s friends need necessarily be neuro-atypical in the same way as oneself, but I’ve noticed that like attracts like and that many feel more comfortable with others who have similar values, interests and ways of functioning.  

 

·  Naïveté. Many ASD people have a sort of innocence or helplessness about them that makes kind-hearted people want to take care of them, and predatory people want to use or bully them. Somehow, those who wish to use, abuse and control, seem to have a special radar for detecting if someone is different, vulnerable, peaceful at heart, naïve, has a low level of assertiveness and is easy to intimidate and take advantage. Usually, this comes as a complete shock to the unsuspecting Aspie! Since most of us are honest, harmless and sincere ourselves, we tend to assume that everyone is and therefore easily miss dishonesty and hidden agendas. We simply can’t imagine why someone would do something which we ourselves would never dream of doing... Parents, teachers and friends need to keep a close eye to make sure their Asplings aren’t getting taken advantage of, being bullied or worse. Not every Aspie is gullible and naïve, though. Many have - or eventually acquire - a very keen manipulation-radar and can detect suspicious behaviour a mile away, e.g. insincere compliments that are only designed to gain some advantage for themselves.

 

·  Reciprocity. Many Aspies have overwhelmingly strong sensitivities, allergies, phobias, interests, problems, high or low energy level, compulsions or social cluelessness which may make it difficult to impossible to have a perfectly equal friendship. Some need things to always be on their terms or not at all, and just don’t have the energy to engage in things that don’t interest them. Others may be over-compliant & passive and just go along with whatever is suggested, without ever taking an initiative themselves. Some may simply not know what is expected in a friendship without being explicitly informed. Yet others form very long & deep friendships and make excellent and loyal friends.

 

  “1. I will often defend people I'm bonded to.

2. I will be altruistic (without the usual requirement for give-and-take).”

- Leif, adult Aspie from Sweden

 

·  Age. It is not uncommon for young Aspies to seek the company of those that are older (for comfort, security & guidance and/or intellectual stimulation). And for older Aspies to seek the company of those who are younger (e.g. for exchange of fresh ideas & sharing of youthful interests which one may still enjoy).

 

·  Gender. Many Aspies have an easier time making friends of the opposite sex.

 

   “I like to play pool, but I play mainly with guys.  I don't know how to get along very well with women.  I'm not good at small talk.  I do a lot of things alone, but I do like being around people very much and talking and playing.  Mostly guys, though.  There are few women who share my interests.”

- Anne Marie, adult ADHD/Aspie from USA

 

   “I used to play quite a bit with girls when I was a kid. 2 of my best friends from childhood were girls. In kindergarten, I was always with this girl and we had a lot of secrets together. We were called ‘the experts’ by the others, because they thought we knew so much and were so quick to get through reading- and math assignments. A year or so later, I ‘finally learned’ that it wasn’t appropriate to play with girls so I stopped.”

- Mattias, adult probable Aspie from Sweden

 

 

 

BRAIN GENDER

 

   According to Swedish neurobiologist, Professor Annica Dahlström, some people have a different brain gender than body gender. Biological causes for this: 

 

·  Chromosomes. Some males have two XX-chromosomes and thus turn out more feminine, while some females have an XY-combination and become more masculine.

 

·  Hormones. The more testosterone one is subjected to in the womb (and just after birth in males) the more masculine the child; the more oestrogen the more feminine. Girls who don’t get enough of the constant oestrogen flow may develop difficulty with social competence & reading faces and become shy & reserved.

 

·  Cell-types. There are also two specific cell-groups in the hypothalamus (INAH-3 & SCN) which determine partner preference, plus one (BST) which determines gender identity. You can thus be a female with a more masculine brain and vice versa without necessarily being homosexual or having a gender identity problem.

 

   It is not uncommon in the general population to have both male and female traits in various proportions (two overlapping bell-curves were shown, see page six in this pdf: Könet sitter i hjärnan! of Professor Dahlström’s Power Point presentation, unfortunately only with Swedish captions, from her latest lecture at the annual Swedish brain conference in Gothenburg, televised by SVT).

 

   Perhaps some of those who get diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, TS etc are more androgynous or have more traits of the opposite gender? Simon Baron-Cohen’s EQ SQ-theory, suggesting that autism is connected to having been exposed to higher prenatal testosterone levels, seems more applicable to ASD & ADHD & TS females than to classical Aspie males.

 

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