INSIDE PERSPECTIVES of AS & Neurodiversity

 

NEEDS

 

   Atypical people often have very original, specific and compelling needs. Some insist on having them fulfilled down to the last detail at all times, while many have a tendency to suppress most of their needs and just suffer in silence (until they eventually become enraged, depressed, suicidal or ill). Here are examples of some of the most common needs in Aspies:

 

 

TOLERANCE

 

   To be accepted or at least tolerated as one is and not judged or ridiculed for being different from the majority. One does not choose to be born with unusual needs & interests, atypical learning style or sleep pattern, a hypersensitive nervous system or too much or too little energy. Calling a child ‘picky,’ ‘fussy,’ ‘stupid’, ‘clumsy,’ ‘lazy’ etc. does not help it in any way. Usually it has very good reasons for all its reactions, behaviours and wishes, and should have these respected as much as possible, within reasonable limits.

 

 

HELP, CARE & SUPPORT

 

·  Many neurologically atypical, impaired, creative, sensitive and slow-maturing individuals are more or less unable to make it on their own in the world and may need help, support and assistance in various ways. Though usually not in the form of micromanagement, but more of an outer framework within which to function independently.

 

   “I've often said to people if someone would just take care of me and provide me with all my needs, I would practice law for free and not have to worry about the business side of it.”

- Anne Marie, adult ADHD/Aspie attorney from USA

 

·  Some have unique skills and highly original ideas and that could be of benefit and joy to others if only recognized, but many of these gifted individuals are too passive, introvert, non-ambitious, nervous, easily stressed and confused about how things work, to make something out of their ideas without assistance and special consideration.

 

·  Of course, not every Aspie needs this. Some are perfectly independent; many married with kids of their own.

 

· Others need only a little help.

 

 

HARMONIOUS ENVIRONMENT

 

   To have a safe environment free from stress, noise, allergens, distractions, interruptions etc. in which to live, relax, create, study, work or play can make the difference between functioning and not functioning.

              

   “If you watch autistic people closely, when put in an environment that they either fashion for themselves or an environment which is created for them based upon their needs, they tend to function better and more comfortably than they do within an environment not suited to them. In ideally created environments, autistic individuals' own personalities tend to emerge and manifest themselves.”

- Tom, adult Aspie from USA

 

 

TIME & SPACE ALONE

 

   What may be hard for people who are more social to understand is how incredibly vulnerable a creative/specialist/supersensitive person can be while in a hyper-focused state. Because of this, many have a very deep need for is their own space that no one else has access to, unless invited, and to have enough time to themselves to relax or pursue their special interests.

 

   Having a family can be very difficult to combine with such needs, but if the family understands and respects this, it will most likely be more pleasant for everyone involved.  Having some type of arrangement where one is guaranteed that one will be left alone when inspiration strikes, or during certain pre-agreed-upon hours, may be crucial for the continued sanity & equilibrium of such a person.

 

   To avoid interrupting a sensitive person at the wrong moment, I suggest some sort of sign on the door, perhaps colour-coded, just like the lamps they used to have by the door to the doctor’s office.

 

Green = “Approachable - welcome in.”

Amber = “Maybe, if it’s something important” or “Finished soon, please wait.” 

Red = “Busy - do not disturb under any circumstances (unless it’s a matter of life & death).”

 

   (Some autistics use colour coded bracelets at large meetings to indicate similar meaning.)

 

·  Sensitive & introverted people may also need extra time to regenerate alone after having been social, physically active, emotionally upset or over-excited, and after having experienced something unusually pleasant or unpleasant. Whether it is a heartbreak, a wonderful concert, or just a trip to the local mall, the sensitive person may need anything from a few hours to several days or weeks to integrate the experience and ‘get back to normal.’ Please respect this need as much as possible and don’t disturb unless absolutely necessary.

 

·  Things for parents to consider:

 

   “1) When children demonstrate a degree of trustworthy independence, knock before entering their rooms, even if the door is open.

 

   “2) Clean their rooms, but don't go throwing out or giving away belongings or personal possessions without asking first. The reason for this is that many Aspie and HFA children develop bonds with their possessions for reasons which YOU many not understand. Throwing something out or giving something away while they are away from their rooms:

 

   “A) Will erode the trust you have established with them. Instead of focusing on work, they will go to school in the morning and spend the day wondering what it is you are throwing out or giving.

 

   “B) Make them feel insecure. It may be your house, but they never asked to be born or to live in it. You DID say that their room is their room, and they will take that literally.

 

   “C) Their haven isn't a haven if they have to spend more time defending it than retreating inside of it.

 

   “If you want to get rid of clothes they have grown out of, don't assume they know why you are doing it.  Ask to get rid of them, and if they refuse, talk to them logically and explain that they won't fit anymore. Have them try them on if they still refuse. If THAT doesn't work, then let them keep their clothes until they decide to get rid of them on their own. They may form a bond with their toys as well. Be sure to ask before giving a toy away.  Don't assume because they broke a toy that they don't want it anymore.