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INSIDE PERSPECTIVES of AS & Neurodiversity |
EMOTIONSEMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
Aspies often have a mind that matures faster than average, but emotions that mature slower – sometimes a lot slower. I guess that may come from a natural tendency to use one’s mind a lot more than one’s feelings? I don’t know if emotional development can or should be speeded up. Some things just need to grow at their own pace. Slow emotional maturation may be perfectly normal for a specific neurological type rather than a ‘developmental disorder’?
“I would say that my emotional age is somewhere between 10-15 yoa - I seem to want things from relationships that are more characteristic of a child - i.e. protection, safety, etc . . . not anything like a partner and certainly not sex . . . Intellectually, however, I have always felt older than I am - maybe 40 to 50 yoa - my general concepts of morality - such as being nice to people and respecting all living things - developed when I was about 10-15 years old.” - Fleur, adult Aspie from USA
“The most painful thing for me was being told by several different sources that I was very immature for my age. I would cry and cry at night because I couldn't figure out how to act ‘older.’ I took great offence when people commented that I looked ‘so young.’ Now I'm beginning to realize that being socially less aware would look like immaturity to people.” - Linda, adult Aspie from USA
“Getting control of lower emotions seems to be a big issue for many aspies. Examples: meltdowns, temper tantrums, crying in public. Non aspies seem to have mastered more emotional self control at an earlier age. (Of course being an aspie is more stressful so that may be a factor as well.)” - Ilah, adult probably Aspie from USA
“AS far as overall maturity, I'm well ahead of my calendar age and always have been. But when it comes to dealing with people I too think I am around 10 to 14 or so. That makes conducting business a little difficult since I tend to see myself as that young of a person dealing with adults. It is also strange when they are relying on me to make the big decisions and chart the course for projects. I can do it, it just feels odd.” - William, adult Aspie from USA
I did not reach emotional maturity until after 35-40 years of age, and can’t see how anyone could have made this happen sooner. If I had not been allowed to develop at my own pace, I’m sure I would not have so harmoniously grown into the reasonably mature and responsible person I am today. I also have Aspie friends who say that they still feel like teens in their 40’s, or like kids in their 50’s. And they are absolutely charming because of it! - Inger, site-author
EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY
Some Highly Sensitive People seem to be born extra emotionally vulnerable; as if designed for nothing but harmony, peace, love and approval. Perhaps this is to some degree true of all humans, but some are clearly extra sensitive and get totally shattered by even the slightest hint of unfriendliness, conflict, criticism or problem. Some cry, shake, blush, get very upset (sometimes for a very long time..) or have a complete meltdown from things most people would consider negligible everyday events. Some are extremely easily moved.
“Re. emotion: My nickname in elementary school was 'crybaby' because anything would set me off, good or bad. Sensory overload was the name of my game...until I went to high school, when I became the queen of control. I do not believe that it was any coincedence that I developed epilepsy at this same time, or that this was also the time period when my regular exercise ceased (daily walking/biking to school, swim team). All that stress had to come out somewhere...” - Jill, adult Aspie from England
”I also am absolutely terrified of conflict situations. Even reading threads where there is conflict can be upsetting (at one time when there was quite a bit of conflict on this board it gave me nightmares).”
“I shake when I try to explain an idea that I am passionate about, I shake when I'm confronted by other peoples emotions, when I'm faced with conflict, when I THINK I might be faced with conflict, I shake when I feel strong emotions in myself and I shake when I talk about shaking. I kind of feel it inside, thankfully it doesn't go to my hands unless it is very bad. I blush a lot, and I get really anxious about it and am constantly vigilant for any sign that I might be about to blush or someone might say something that will make me blush (all of which makes me more likely to blush).” - ‘Nightshade’, female adult Aspie from New Zeeland
‘LACK OF EMOTION’
People with Asperger Syndrome are sometimes considered as lacking emotions. This is simply not true, except perhaps for a very small minority. Most Aspies I’ve encountered have emotions just like everyone else.
· In some cases, what seems like ‘lack of emotion’ is simply a lack of describing emotion, or showing emotion through appropriate body language (which in turn can be an innate disability/difference or a conditioned response). Difficulty describing physical or emotional pain with accompanying appropriate body language, can lead to extreme physical or emotional pain not getting taken seriously by family, friends and professionals.
“People with AS aren't without either emotions, empathy or fantasy. I believe this is a myth and if you read Hans Asperger’s old paper he couldn't figure it all out. He was quite puzzled but was at least certain of that we were capable of strong emotions.....I think we just show them differently and sometimes don't even come to think of that we should show them.” - Lotta Abrahamsson, adult ADHD/Aspie author and teacher of autistic children from Sweden
“Yes emotions always have been a problem - I keep them kind of private, I learned from a young age if I cried in public people would try to physically comfort me and I have tactile issues - so very quickly learnt to keep my emotions to myself in private.” - Julie, adult Aspie from England
“Sometimes my expression seems to fit what I am feeling inside and sometimes it is just completely neutral (serious). I cannot control when it is on and off, but I think it is more likely to be on when I am in the presence of those I feel are completely accepting of me. It is more likely to shut down in public, in crowds or with those that are critical of me. Perhaps it is a self defense mechanism.” - Ilah, adult probable Aspie from USA
“If I go to a doctor, I find it hard to describe the pain and where it is located… sometimes I get sent home with sprayed ankles and feet that hurt like hell because I cannot describe it… has happened many times...” - Natasja, adult Aspie from Sweden
· Just as in the regular population there are many different temperaments, of which some may be more passionate than others. Some people are more mentally focused and ruled by logic rather than emotions, even if they have emotions. This is a natural variation, even if rare.
“RATIONAL NTs [Intuitive/Thinking], being ABSTRACT in communicating and UTILITARIAN in implementing goals, can become highly skilled in STRATEGIC ANALYSIS. Thus their most practiced and developed intelligent operations tend to be marshalling and planning (NTJ organizing), or inventing and configuring (NTP engineering).”
“Ever in search of knowledge, this is the "Knowledge Seeking Personality" - trusting in reason and hungering for achievement.”
“Educationally they go for the sciences, avocationally for technology, and vocationally for systems work. Rationals tend to be individualizing as parents, mindmates as spouses, and learning oriented as children.”
“Rationals are very infrequent, comprising as few as 5% and no more than 7% of the population.” - From The Personality Type Portraits
· Another small minority on the autistic spectrum seem to be naturally low-emotional. Being born a non-passionate personality type does not necessarily mean that one is totally devoid of emotions. Only that one may not have as many, as often, feel them as intensely or for as long, as more emotionally oriented temperaments tend to do.
“My emotions are limited both in quantity and intensity.” |